DOMMENTARY

THE LAUGH HOLE OF COMEDIAN DOMINICK PUPA

The Laugh Hole of Comedian Dominick Pupa

70 DAYS OF CHER!!!!

As the self-appointed Secretary of Health, Education and WelCher, it's my duty to inform you that in 70 days, Cher will turn 70. In tribute, for the next 70 days, we will celebrate 70 DAYS OF CHER! Each day, some new Cherformation that maybe you didn't know, across social media and on a special page on dommentary.com. We'll do the occasional video as well. When I'm not still in bed.

DAY 1.

Today we'll Cher a fact from early on in the canon. Salvatore Bono and Cher La Piere, as they were then known, did not start off as Sonny & Cher. They first released some singles in 1964 as Caesar and Cleo. But no one paid attention. Later that year they changed their moniker to Sonny & Cher, released a few more singles, and got enough traction to release their first album the following summer. That album, "Look At Us," featured their first smash, "I Got You Babe," which spent 3 weeks at #1 in the summer of 1965. And the rest is Cherstory.

 


DAY 2.


Cher will be 70 in 69 days.
Cher is the ONLY artist in history to achieve a #1 Billboard-charting song in SIX consecutive decades. No Beatles, no Beach Boys, no Barbra. Just Cher.
1960s: I Got You Babe (w/Sonny, #1 on BB Hot 100)
1970s: Gypsies, Tramps & Thieves, Half-Breed, Dark Lady (#1 on BB Hot 100), All I Ever Need Is You (w/Sonny, #1 on BB Adult Contemp)
1980s: After All (w/Peter Cetera), If I Could Turn Back Time (both #1 on BB Adult Contemp)
1990s: Believe (#1 on BB Hot 100 and #1 song of the year at age 53), Strong Enough, All or Nothing, Believe (all #1 on BB Dance/Club Play)
2000s: A Different Kind of Love Song, When The Money's Gone (all #1 on BB Dance/Club Play)
2010s: You Haven't Seen the Last of Me (#1 on BB Dance/Club Play)
I hope our grandchildren will remember Cher when Iggy Azalea beats this record. HAAAAAAAAAAAAneverAAAAAAAAAAAAAgonnaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAhappenAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA.

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DAY 3. 


Cher will be 70 in 68 days. 
Even if you hate Cher (and you really should see a doctor about that) you've been secretly enjoying her for decades without knowing it. Before Sonny & Cher, Cher was a background singer on some of the greatest songs of the 60s, which are also some of the most recognizable and popular songs of all time, including "Be My Baby" by the Ronettes and "You've Lost That Loving Feeling" by The Righteous Brothers. If you listen to them again now, you can hear her. And knowing she's there makes the songs better. Don't argue with me.

DAY 4.

Cher will be 70 in 67 days.

 

DAY 5.


Cher will be 70 in 66 days. 
All jokes aside about Cher and cockroaches surviving a nuclear holocaust, if genetics are any indication, Cher really will outlive you. Her mother, Georgia Holt, is still alive and will turn 90 years old a few weeks after Cher turns 70. Georgia was a minor celebrity in her own right, having been a professional singer and pageant darling since the age of 6. Still incredibly active, Georgia released her latest album, Honky Tonk Woman, in 2013. Georgia has also been married 8 times. Atta girl. Here's a pic Cher tweeted just this weekend of her and her mom.


DAY 6.


Cher will be 70 in 64 days. (Yeah, I counted the days wrong earlier, but we're cool now.)
Cher has risen from the dead so often, there's a chance she may actually be Jesus. When Abe Vigoda died recently, his last words were, "Now that Cher is pronounced dead more often than me, I suppose it's time for me to go." If Cher had actually died every time someone said she was on her death bed, there would be a cemetery the size of Brooklyn that was filled with Chers. And I would want to be buried there.

 

DAY 7.


Cher will be 70 in 63 days.
Superfans complain that Cher doesn't do more movies, but if the stars had aligned differently, movie history would have been much Cherier: 
- She auditioned for the role of Bonnie in Bonnie & Clyde, which went to Faye Dunaway.
- She was offered the role of Thelma in Thelma & Louise, which went to Geena Davis.
- She wanted to play Morticia in The Addams Family, but the part went to Anjelica Huston.
- She was in consideration for the role of Lilly in The Grifters, but that part also went to Anjelica Huston. (Anjelica Huston needs to back the f**k away from Cher.) 
Also, Cher was not the first choice to play Loretta in Moonstruck, for which she won an Oscar. The screenwriter envisioned and originally offered the role to Sally Field, who I love, but just.....no.

 

DAY 8. 


Cher will be 70 in 62 days. 
Cher's mother's ancestry is Irish, English, German and Cherokee. Her father, John Sarkisian, was 100% Armenian. This makes Cher the single most beautiful, famous, talented, popular and important Armenian-American who has ever lived. A little-known Federal law passed in 1946 makes it a crime to think otherwise. This crime is punishable by the death penalty. 

 

DAY 9.


Cher will be 70 in 61 days.
Not many people know that I have a side business in which I midwife newborns into being Cher fans. Given the end of today's session, I'm not sure if this one was successful.

 

DAY 10.

 

Cher will be 70 in 60 days.

Today we celebrate the behemoth known as "Believe," the biggest song of Cher's (or anyone's) career. Just how big was Believe? Let's take a peek, shall we?

- #1 song of 1999 as ranked by Billboard (on both the Hot 100 and Dance charts).

- #1 for 4 weeks on Billboard Hot 100.

- #1 for 5 weeks on Billboard Hot Dance Club Play chart.

- #1 for 23 weeks on Billboard Hot Dance Singles Sales chart.

- #1 for 7 weeks on UK Singles chart.

- Also hit #1 in 21 other countries besides US & UK.

- Won Best Dance Recording at the 2000 Grammys, which is Cher's only Grammy to date. (It was also nominated for Record of the Year)

- 1st commercial recording to feature AutoTune. Rumor has it that the record company asked that it be removed, and Cher said, "Over my dead body."

- On tour, Cher lip syncs the chorus, to preserve the AutoTune sound in the single.

- Ranked #31 on Billboard Hot 100 of the 1990s.

- On the list of Best Selling Singles of All Time, Believe falls somewhere around #30 (depending on the list) with nearly 11 million sold.

- Still the highest selling female solo song of all time in the UK, (Sorry, Adele) and in August of 2014, was the first female solo single in the UK to be certified triple platinum.

- When Billboard ranks the biggest songs of Cher's career, it actually ranks Believe as #2! 1973's Half-Breed is listed as #1, due to whatever algorithm/turnover rate system they're using to weight songs from different eras. Weird. Also, no one really says Half-Breed anymore, but there's zero chance that Cher will rename this song "Bi-Racial."

 

DAY 11.

Cher will be 70 in 59 days.

Cher's first solo recording was a novelty record/Beatles tribute called, "Ringo, I Love You." Producer Phil Spector didn't think Cherilyn La Piere sounded American enough, so he released the single under the pseudonym Bonnie Jo Mason. Thankfully, the name did not stick. Try saying "Bonnie Jo Mason" in Cher's voice. It's horrendous. The song was not successful. Rumor has it that many stations didn't play the song because Cher's vocals were so low they sounded like a man (the exact opposite happens to me on the phone on a daily basis) and nobody wanted to hear a song about a man professing love for another man, even though the lyrics specifically identify Cher/Bonnie Jo as being female. Later that year (1964) Sonny and Cher became Caesar & Cleo, and then Sonny & Cher. The song did have minor commercial success in, of all places, Buffalo, NY. Yes...Buffalo. Somehow, Buffalo has been a hidden arbiter of good taste all these years. That's unsettling. I'm done for the day. 

 

DAY 12.

Cher will be 70 in 58 days.

Today, we make a pilgrimage to the Brooklyn Heights set of Moonstruck, and recreate/ruin an iconic moment. I know, I know, the audio is not great. That's because I'm one of these creative types who has no technical proficiency. I tell jokes so the crews I work with will say, "Wow, he's a f**king moron, but at least he's fun to be around." Catch all #70DaysofCHER on dommentary.com. #70DOC #Cher #Dommentary

 

DAY 13.


Cher will be 70 in 57 days.
Ok. When reviewing history, we must weigh the dark times with the light. So. We have to talk about the informercial. In the early 90s, Cher did an infomercial for Lori Davis hair care products. It's the reason we didn't hear much from her in the early-to-mid 1990s. Cher has said, "The infomercials were just devastating to my career. I'm kind of stupid when it comes to things. I've always just done what I wanted and it's just worked out. Not this time. I really screwed up." She's also on record with the even more delightful and succinct, "I should have just put a gun in my mouth and pulled the trigger. Infomercials are career suicide." There is practically NO evidence of this informercial online, save for one small, grainy clip I found that features Ted Danson, which is weird because people who wear toupees don't often show up in hair care infomercials. If anyone has a copy of it, please send it to me. Cher obviously survived, because she is Cher and she is better than you. To Cher I would like to say that you doing an informercial is not even close to the most embarrassing thing someone has done after winning an Oscar. Please remember Halle Berry willingly did Catwoman. In the absence of the informercial, and with apologies to Cher, I present a 1993 SNL sketch spoofing it, with Christina Applegate as Cher, and the late Chris Farley as Lori Davis. The video is not embeddable here, so please go to http://www.nbc.com/saturday-night-live/video/focus-on-beauty-ii/n10438 to check it out.

 

DAY 14. 


Cher will be 70 in 56 days. 
Cher is an ex-con. Atta girl. When she was 13, Cher's friend asked her to watch his car while he ran into his house. After getting annoyed at having to move the car a few times while she waited, Cher decided to take the car to a drive-in movie. Shortly after, the police arrived. Cher's mom got a call at 3:30am to come claim her daughter, Cherliyn. Cher had forgotten this happened until her mother told the story and unveiled this mug shot on The Tonight Show a few years ago, while promoting their Lifetime special, "Dear Mom, Love Cher."

 

DAY 15. 


Cher will be 70 in 55 days. 
Cher met Sonny Bono in an LA coffee shop in 1962. A "coffee shop" is a place where people would speak to each other in person before Grindr and Tinder came along. She was 16, he was 27. Escalando! They became close friends, and when Cher's roommate moved out, she accepted Sonny's offer to be his housekeeper. Obviously, the role of housekeeper evolved pretty quickly. Sonny brought Cher to work with him at Phil Spector's studio, and the rest is history. While their strange wardrobe, age difference and the fact that they didn't legally marry until after their child was born may have been shocking for the time, Cher has referenced a different reason why she and Sonny were ostracized from much of the music and showbiz during that era: they didn't drink or do drugs.

 

 

DAY 16. 

Cher will be 70 in 54 days.

In honor of Easter, here's Cher dressed as a Playboy bunny in the early 1970s. As you can see, Cher's obviously never been shy about showing off her body, and the year that Believe was released it was rumored she would pose for Playboy. She quickly shot the rumors down. She told Entertainment Tonight, "My Playboy days are over. Taking off your clothes and being naked, I don't think so. I'm not even interested." She was 52 at the time. Then at 67, she trotted out that ropey number on the left with the heart pasties. Work, bitch.

 

DAY 17. 


Cher will be 70 in 53 days.
Songwriter Diane Warren has said that she had to literally beg Cher, on her knees, to record If I Could Turn Back Time. "She really hated it, but I held her leg down during a recording session and said 'You have to record it!' Cher said 'F**k you, bitch! You're hurting my leg!'" Diane Warren was right. The song went to #3 on the Billboard Hot 100 and #1 on Billboard Adult Contemp Chart. It cracked the top ten in a dozen other countries as well. As iconic as the song is, it was the video that got the most press at the time. It was shot in Long Beach, CA aboard the battleship USS Missouri in 1989. Not surprisingly, the US Navy has not allowed another video to be shot on board one of its ships since. Cher was nearly naked while singing to the troops, and MTV initially banned the video, before relegating it to air only after 9pm. Most other TV networks wouldn't show it at all. Fun Fact #1: Cher's then-12yo son, Elijah Blue Allman, can be seen playing guitar in the video. Fun Fact #2: I like to wear Cher's outfit from the video during Fleet Week every year, because I enjoy horrifying tourists.

 

DAY 18. 

Cher will be 70 in 52 days.

Sonny was not the only husband with whom Cher performed professionally. During her 4-year marriage to Gregg Allman, they released an album of duets under the name Allman and Woman. It has been described as "the worst of either artist's respective careers." Their rocky marriage ended shortly after the album was released, even though the first time Cher filed from divorce from Gregg was only 9 days into their marriage. After their split, Cher began a 2-year relationship with none other than The Demon himself, Gene Simmons. 

 

DAY 19. 


Cher will be 70 in 51 days. 
Cher has been on the cover of People Magazine 13 times, plus a 14th when she was dubbed one of the 25 Most Intriguing People of 1975. Fun Fact #1: Cher doesn't even come close to being the #1 People cover model. That would be Princess Diana, with 55 covers. Fun Fact #2: I LOVE a collage! 

 

DAY 20. 

Cher will be 70 in 50 days. Tomorrow, a video befitting a true April Fool. Today, a song. Recently we featured Cher's first single, "Ringo, I Love You," on which Cher was known as Bonnie Jo Mason. Her second single, released right before she was part of Caesar & Cleo, was called "Dream Baby." On this single, Cher switched from Bonnie Jo Mason to simply "Cherilyn," her birth name. Take a listen below.

 

DAY 21. 

Cher will be 70 in 49 days. "Until you're ready to look foolish, you'll never have the possibility of being great." - Cher. Today we present the jackassterpiece of a true April Fool. A video with more Cherformation than ever before, about Cher making the (gasp!) occasional mistake. 

 

DAY 22. 

Cher will be 70 in 48 days. Only two women in history have had both a #1 song AND won an Oscar for acting: Barbra Streisand and Cher. Fun Fact - Only 3 men have made this achievement as well: Frank Sinatra, Bing Crosby and Jamie Foxx. Please enjoy these pix of Cher and Babs with afros.

 

Jesus. I'm hungover. We'll make this brief. 
DAY 23. 


Cher will be 70 in 47 days.
Cher's shoe size is 8. Enjoy this image of her shoes kicking a can in Moonstruck.

 

DAY 24. 


Cher will be 70 in 46 days.
In 1972, Sonny & Cher appeared on Scooby Doo, under "The New Scooby Doo Movies" banner in an episode called "The Secret of Shark Island." This ep also featured the voices of Ted Knight, Ann Jillian and Florence Halop from Night Court. The New Scooby Doo movies are a fun wormhole in which to imprison yourself on a windy weekend when you're stoned. (A friend told me.) Other movies in that series include everyone from The Addams Family to Phyllis Diller. The only place I could find the full S&C special online is not embeddable, so it's here if you're interested: http://www.b99.tv/video/the-secret-of-shark-island/

COMING THIS WEEK! Official announcement of all-new live standup shows celebrating Cher's birthday in New York (5/20) AND, for the first time in forever, LOS ANGELES (5/22)!

DAY 25. 

Cher will be 70 in 45 days.
Cher & Tina Turner's duets throughout the years are the stuff of legend. Treat yourself to a internet wormhole of C&T doing duets with: a Beatles medley and "Country Side of Life" in episodes 11 & 20 of the Cher show in 1975, an "I Got The Music In Me" medley from episode 33 of The Sonny & Cher Show in 1977, and "Proud Mary" from VH1 Divas Live in 1999. For today, by special request of my friends Arlene and Porsha, C&T's "Shame, Shame, Shame" duet from the 4/27/75 ep of the Cher show that is SO savage, neither of them can breathe at the end! Wooooooooork!

 

DAY 26. 


Cher will be 70 in 44 days. 
Over the years, everyone from my parents to strangers at shows have asked why so many gay people love Cher. I've given different answers. She's a survivor, she's a role model, she unapologetically herself. These days, my answer is different: She f**king begged for it. When you close out the first episode of your very own TV show with Bette Midler, Elton John and Flip Wilson, singing the likes of Ain't No Mountain High Enough and Proud Mary, all while wearing enough collective sequins to start a war with a planet named after Richard Simmons...you want the gays to follow you. Enjoy this clip from the 2/12/75 series premiere of the Cher show, along with the funny sketch leading into it that doesn't get seen as much.

 

DAY 27. 70


Cher will be 70 in 43 days. 
This is the video that proves that Cher and I are really friends. In my head.

 

DAY 28. 


Cher will be 70 in 42 days.
A real gem to kick off your weekend. Cher's video for "Hell on Wheels" is like the potion from Death Becomes Her. But instead of making you younger, it makes you gayer until you eventually crack into a million pieces. It's from her 1979 album Prisoner, as well as the soundtrack to the film Roller Boogie. Hell on Wheels was also Cher's first official music video. Any other "videos" you see online from earlier singles were actually performances lifted from TV specials.

 

DAY 29. 


Cher will be 70 in 41 days.
I'm super tired from fighting with everyone at Trader Joe's, so let's do something inane. Cher is tied with a gentlemen named Mako as the person with the shortest name ever nominated for an acting Oscar. Cher won her Oscar for Moonstruck in 1988, and Mako was nominated in 1967 for The Sand Pebbles, but lost to Walter Matthau in The Fortune Cookie.

 

DAY 30. 


Cher will be 70 in 40 days.
Where'd Cher get her name? Glad you asked. Cher is the shortened version of her birth name, Cherilyn. Cher's mother was a huge fan of actress Lana Turner, and named Cher after Turner's daughter, Cheryl Crane. Their names are pretty much where the similarities between Cher and Cheryl end. In 1958, at the age of 14, Cheryl Crane stabbed her mother's boyfriend to death. It was ruled a justifiable homicide because Cheryl was protecting her mother from the abusive boyfriend. Cheryl became a ward of the state and escaped from a psych facility a few times during her teen years, but life eventually evened out for her, and she currently lives in Palm Springs with her partner of nearly 40 years. She is 2 years older than Cher. Pictured: Cher, her mom Georgia Holt, Lana Turner, Cheryl Crane.  

DAY 31. 

 

Cher will be 70 in 39 days.

Few things in life give me greater joy than Cher calling into C-Span. This is my favorite entry in ‪#‎70DaysOfCHER‬ thus far, and hopefully a fun way to start your Monday.

 

DAY 32. 


Cher will be 70 in 38 days.
Unsurprisingly, I love every track on Believe. I would've killed to be in the room when the decisions were made on what tracks to include on the album, because at least one contender that didn't make the cut is so amazing. Here is a Junior Vasquez-produced cover of the 1978 John Paul Young hit, "Love Is In The Air." It's a real clitpopper. It's also the song my friend Mark and I spontaneously burst into any time we hear the word "air."

DAY 33. 

Cher will be 70 in 37 days. The 1980s were ripe with female characters giving epic speeches. There's Julia Sugarbaker's "The Night The Lights Went Out in Georgia" speech to a pageant queen. Claire Huxtable's "Anything, anywhere, any place, anytime, ever" speech to Sondra's boyfriend. And then there's Cher, as Alexandra Medford in The Witches of Eastwick, performing an epic read on the Devil himself. Enjoy it below. Cher was initially supposed to play Jane in the film, which was eventually played by Susan Sarandon. But Cher wanted the role of Alex, which was already supposed to be played by Susan. Obvi, Cher got what she wanted. Rumor has it that Susan Sarandon didn't know that she had been switched from Alex to Jane until she showed up on location. Sorry, Susan.

DAY 34. 


Cher will be 70 in 36 days. Today, a personal note. How does a lunatic celebrate the end of#70DaysOfCHER? By being a LIVE lunatic on Cher's birthday. Tickets on sale now for CHERSTRUCK! (Yes, Cherstruck. Not "Cher's Truck." Put down the pipe.) All new standup, all new song parodies, and I swear the whole thing is not about Cher. Friday, May 20th at 10pm, at the fiercest venue in NYC, The Cutting Room. Tickets at http://tickets.thecuttingroomnyc.com/event/1158975-dominick-pupa-is-cherstruck-new-york/ 

 

DAY 35. 
We're halfway there!

Cher will be 70 in 35 days. Look. If Cher starts pulling stunts DURING ‪#‎70DaysOfCHER‬, I suppose we have to include them. I held off because it was election-related, and it's well-documented that I've had enough of that vaudevillian desecration for the past 14 months. Two days ago, Cher, a longtime Clinton supporter, politely tweeted that she was now torn between Hill & Bern after doing a little research on Bern's policies. What started out as a brush fire turned into an inferno when Drudge linked this Hollywood Reporter article to his page: http://www.hollywoodreporter.com/…/cher-bernie-sanders-hill…. Cher caught a lot of shit from all sides on Twitter. Here are the latest tweets, one before and one after last night's debates. Still unclear who she is voting for. Doesn't matter to me either way, because I will be voting for Cher herself as a write-in candidate. 

 

DAY 36. 


Cher will be 70 in 34 days. 
ATTENTION LOS ANGELES! LA date just added for CHERSTRUCK! See you on 5/22 at @The Virgil!! NYC tix for 5/20 at The Cutting Room also on sale now at thecuttingroomnyc.com.

  DAY 37.  Cher will be 70 in 33 days.  Cher isn't the only icon turning 70 in 2016. Enjoy this disastrously photoshopped collage of the faces of other 1946 babies on Cher's ensembles from the Dressed to Kill tour. L-R starting with the top: Sylvester Stallone, Tyne Daly, Donald Trump, Sally Field, Dolly Parton, Suzanne Somers, Candice Bergen, Diane Keaton, Liza Minnelli, Susan Sarandon. Happy 70th to you all. You look like shit in Cher's clothes. 

 

DAY 37. 


Cher will be 70 in 33 days. 
Cher isn't the only icon turning 70 in 2016. Enjoy this disastrously photoshopped collage of the faces of other 1946 babies on Cher's ensembles from the Dressed to Kill tour. L-R starting with the top: Sylvester Stallone, Tyne Daly, Donald Trump, Sally Field, Dolly Parton, Suzanne Somers, Candice Bergen, Diane Keaton, Liza Minnelli, Susan Sarandon. Happy 70th to you all. You look like shit in Cher's clothes. 

DAY 38. 

Cher will be 70 in 32 days. 
In the romantic Moonstruck scene at the opera, what would've happened if Nicolas Cage fell in love with NYC's most disagreeable gay man instead of Cher? This.

DAY 39. 

Cher will be 70 in 31 days. This is a fun sentence to type: Please enjoy this 12-minute version of West Side Story in which Cher plays every role. If you haven't yet stumbled across this classic in your lifetime, pour a glass of wine while watching election results tonight, mute Wolf Blitzer, and breathe this in. It's as amazing as it is bizarre, and is required (and repeated) viewing for all Cher fanatics. It's the opening number from a 1978 TV special called "Cher...Special," that aired a few years after the cancellation of the Cher show. The intersection of Cher with musical theater history results in an acid trip that is so gay, it deserves its own Pride march.

DAY 40.


Cher will be 70 in 30 days.
It's very convenient when Cher news breaks during these ‪#‎70DaysOfCHER‬. After over a year since the last quasi-update on this, it appears that the Cher musical is back on. This article from the Post (http://nypost.com/2016/04/19/a-cher-musical-could-land-on-broadway-soon/) will bring you up to speed. It's been talked about FOREVER, but this week, a big leap forward is taking place. And thank you to Drew Tappon for etroducing me to one of the show's producers this morning. If this comes to pass, I am certain I'll pass out during it.

DAY 41. 


Cher will be 70 in 29 days.
When the behemoth known as "Believe" hit #1 in the US, it marked the longest period between Billboard Hot 100 chart-toppers for any artist. Cher's last #1 on the chart was "Dark Lady" in 1974. At 25 years, this broke the record previously held by The Beach Boys, who went 22 years between "Good Vibrations" and "Kokomo." The current #1 in the US is Rihanna's "Work." It's her 14th #1, and with it she becomes the first artist to achieve a #1 hit from 7 consecutive albums. That said, it is unlikely the Rihanna will break Cher's longest-distance-between-‪#‎1s‬ record. Because apparently Rihanna releases an album every time that 1-877-Kars-4-Kids commercial airs.

DAY 42. 


Cher will be 70 in 28 days.
I'll be wearing purple today, so I thought Cher should as well. 

 

DAY 43. 

Cher will be 70 in 27 days.

Cher has an Oscar (Moonstruck), 3 Golden Globes (Moonstruck, Silkwood, Sonny & Cher Comedy Hour), a Grammy (Believe video), and a Best Actress award from the Cannes Film Festival (Mask) among others. One thing she does NOT have is a Razzie Award, although she was nominated once, for Burlesque. How dare they. If she had won, she'd join these 6 actors who have both an Oscar and a Razzie: Laurence Olivier, Liza Minnelli, Kevin Costner, Halle Berry, Roberto Benigni and Sandra Bullock. Please enjoy this 10-minute video of Cher on a 10-minute loop saying "Wagon Wheel Watusi" in Burlesque. I sometimes use it to help me fall asleep when I'm at a hotel in a strange city.

DAY 44. 


Cher will be 70 in 26 days.
In honor of today being fellow icon Barbra Streisand's 74th birthday, some fun Barbra/Cher facts.
- Both have appeared on memorable VF covers in black fishnets (pictured).
- Both were nominated for a Razzie in the same category in 2011. Barbra for Little Fockers, Cher for Burlesque. Jessica Alba won that year for ruining 4 films.
- Both are huge fans of Senator Elizabeth Warren.
- The late makeup genius (and close friend of Cher) Kevin Aucoin, once said, "Growing up my ideals were Barbra Streisand, Cher and my mom."
- Both have scandalized the Oscars with iconic ensembles. Barbra's was see-thru Scaasi pajamas for her win for Funny Girl. Cher's was a Bob Mackie 2-piece with cape and 2-foot headpiece made of 800 rooster feathers for her NON-nomination for Mask (pictured). 
- Both have played prostitutes on film. Barbra in Nuts, Cher in Chastity. 
- As mentioned a few weeks ago, they are the only two women in history to have had both a #1 song AND won an Oscar for acting. 
- Cher was initially attached to star in the 1976 remake of A Star Is Born, but the project was eventually taken over by producer Jon Peters and exec producer and star Barbra Streisand. (Peters and Streisand had started an affair a few years earlier when Peters, then a hairdresser, designed a wig for Barbra for the comedy For Pete's Sake.) 
- Barbra and Cher shared a fun record for a few years. When Cher's Closer to The Truth album hit #3 on the Billboard chart in 2013, at age 67, she tied with Barbra for the oldest female artist to score a top three debut. In 2009, when Barbra was 67, she also went to #3 with her Love is the Reason album. However, Barbra owned the record outright in 2014 when her latest album, Partners, debuted at #1. Your move, Cher. Not kidding. 
- Personally, I would kill to see them finally work together in a remake of any of the following: Whatever Happened to Baby Jane?, Thelma & Louise, Gentlemen Prefer Blondes, Romy & Michelle's High School Reunion, The Turning Point, Chicago or Beaches. 

 

 

DAY 45.
 

Cher will be 70 in 25 days.
Over this next week two, we'll occasionally highlight some of Cher's less-heralded duets and collaborations. Cher has sung with some of the greatest artists of all time. Bowie, Tina, the Jacksons, just to name a few. But perhaps her most unsung collaboration is with 1990s superstars, Beavis and Butthead. As you'll see in this video, the boys were looking to do karaoke with someone with tattoos on her butt, and ended up singing I Got You Babe with a "virtual reality" Cher. This song was on a 1993 compilation CD called The Beavis and Butthead Experience, which capitalized on the show's popularity at that time. A compilation CD was......nevermind. Elderly.
 

DAY 46.


Cher will be 70 in 24 days.
Cher's voice is on the most expensive album of all time. In 2015, Wu Tang Clan sold the ONLY pressed copy of their double album, "Once Upon A Time in Shaolin," for $2million to hateful pharma bro Martin Shkreli. Cher is on the album twice, but only one of those clips has ever been released publicly. It's below, and she's at the end. Delivering one line. And I am certain it's the best 7 seconds on the entire album. The most fun part is that on the album's web site, the name Cher does not appear, but it does say there is a guest appearance by Bonnie Jo Mason. Those of you paying attention way back on Day 11 of #70DOC know that Bonnie Jo Mason is the name under which Cher released her first single, "Ringo, I Love You," in 1964. So fierce. As for WHY Cher was chosen to be on this album, no official reason has been given, but Billboard put it best with, "Like the Wu-Tang Clan, Cher is an iconic musical artist with a storied back catalogue. Like the Wu-Tang Clan, Cher ain't nothin' to fuck wit." Catch all ‪#‎70DaysOfCHER‬ on dommentary.com. ‪#‎70DOC‬ ‪#‎Cher‬ ‪#‎Dommentary‬

DAY 47. 

Cher will be 70 in 23 days.

In this week's look at offbeat Cherlaborations, we've featured Beavis & Butthead and Wu Tang Clan. Today, it's Spinal Tap! Cher made a cameo on their 1992 Break Like the Wind album on the song, "Just Begin Again." Her image was also projected on the screen during their accompanying tour. There's no video for the song, but the tune itself is below. Cher comes in at 2:25. 

DAY 48. 


Che will be 70 in 22 days.
Today, a video history of the most iconic outfit any celebrity has ever worn, and the people who forced her to wear it.

DAY 49. 


Cher will be 70 in 21 days.
In just 3 weeks! Cher turns 70 and CHERSTRUCK will be in NY & LA! 
NYC: Tickets avail NOW at thecuttingroomnyc.com.
LA: Presale for tickets at thevirgil.com will be active next week, otherwise you can get them at the door. 

Let's kiiick, streeeetch and kiiiiiick. It's DAY 50. 

Cher will be 70 in 20 days. Today, a Cher Hates Trump collage. Hope you're having a fierce weekend.

DAY 51. 


Cher will be 70 in 19 days.
It's a rainy day here, so here's a somber but truly beautiful ‪#‎70DOC‬. Cher revealed to Vanity Fair that during her rocky relationship with Sonny he'd once told her, "One day you are going to leave me. You are going to go on and do great things." Son was right, and although their relationship was strained, Cher never denied the love and gratitude she had for Sonny. So much so that when Sonny died in 1998, his wife was cool with Cher delivering the eulogy. Of course it is sad, but it's also very funny, and the way she loved Sonny after all their years apart is so touching. 

DAY 52. 


Cher will be 70 in 18 days.
More than 3 dozen of you have Cher'd, PM'd or tagged me in this video since The Very Best of Cher (which is a FIERCE Cher tribute page) reposted it this weekend. I am touched. In more ways than one. This classic Cher/TV moment is always worth a revisit. 

 

DAY 53. 


Cher will be 70 in 17 days.
Honestly, I didn't like this song when it first came out, and hadn't listened to it since then. But after prodding from other Cher fanatics during‪#‎70DaysOfCher‬, it has definitely grown on me. Bewitched, Bothered and Bewildered is a song from the Rodgers and Hart musical, Pal Joey. It's been remade by everyone from Doris Day to Mel Torme, Frank Sinatra to Carly Simon. This remake, a duet between Cher and Rod Stewart, was on Rod's 2003 album, As Time Goes By: The Great American Songbook 2. It peaked at #17 on the Adult Contemp chart. I don't know why this video says "Cher vs. Rod Stewart." It's not a cage match.

DAY 54. 


Cher will be 70 in 16 days.
Happy Star Wars Day. May the 4th be with you. Our Cher has no direct connection to Star Wars, but according to Wookieepedia.com, there are two characters in the Star Wars universe who Cher her name. Zerba Cher'dak was a male Balosar pickpocket who lived during the reign of the Galactic Empire, and Cher-Ha Shivan was a Human Padawan who served in the Old Jedi Order waning years of the Republic Classic era. It is reported that neither of them believe in life after love. Bleep. Bloop. Bleep.

DAY 55. 


Cher will be 70 in 15 days.
Today's entry is a true classic. A few weeks ago I featured a segment from 1978's "Cher...Special," in which Cher sang all of the parts in West Side Story. Also appearing in the landmark special, in another landmark segment, is a friend of Cher's who is also turning 70 this year. Dolly Parton! This bit is dramatically known as "Heaven & Hell: The Musical Battle to Save Cher's Soul." Dolly represents Heaven, and the band The Tubes represents Hell. It was a pivotal time for both Dolly & Cher. Dolly was making the transition from country star to pop star, and had just sold one million copies of Here You Come Again. Cher was about to change up her own style as well with the release of the disco classic Take Me Home in a few months. For her performance in this special, Dolly was nominated for an Emmy for Outstanding Continuing or Single Performance by a Supporting Actress in Variety or Music. She lost to Gilda Radner for Saturday Night Live. I know everyone says we're in a golden age of television, but seriously....there's very little I wouldn't have done to be in the room full of stoned lunatics that came up with the bits for this special. Sigh.

DAY 56.


Cher will be 70 in 14 days.
Cher's first boyfriend was Fred Smith. Fred was a surfer who came from a wealthy family. He asked her out while in line for lunch at school. They only dated for a few days, though. One night they went to a party and Fred drank too much. Cher had to drive him home, and he puked in her car. She ceased contact with him after that. I can't find a photo of Fred online, but I'm assuming he changed his name and his face after realizing what he let slip through his fingers. Fred...you're a fool. Also, two weeks from tonight, CHERSTRUCK! One night only in NYC! And two weeks from Sunday, it's one night only in LA! NY tix at thecuttingroomnyc.com and LA tix at thevirgil.com. Or follow the links under "SHOWS/TICKETS" on this site. 

DAY 57. 


Cher will be 70 in 13 days.
Cher's Living Proof: The Farewell Tour is among the top 20 highest-grossing concert tours of all time with $250,000,000 in sales. When adjusted for inflation, it's actually in the top 15. It's also among the top 15 most-attended tours of all time, with nearly 3.5million queens served. I am embarrassed to say I only saw it 5 times. It was later dubbed The Never Can Say Goodbye tour, because it lasted for nearly 3 years. 325 performances in 20 countries. Another fun fact: "Live! The Farewell Tour" is Cher's only live album. Cher actually pissed off some fans after the tour, by accepting a residency at Caesars in Las Vegas. Folks who'd shelled out thousands of dollars to see her final Farewell show at the Hollywood Bowl (also the site of her first concert appearance with Sonny in 1966) assumed they were paying to see Cher's LAST show EVER that night. Well.....surprise! Cher wasn't ready to say goodbye yet. So we all went to the Caesars residency, thinking THAT would be the last of Cher's performances. Surprise again! In 2014, Cher embarked on the Dressed to Kill tour, the 2nd leg of which was cancelled due to health issues. The Department of Health, Education and WelCHER hears rumors all the time of talks occurring to resuscitate the tour. It's something I pray for on the daily.

DAY 58. 

Cher will be 70 in 12 days.
Happy Mothers Day! You know who else is a mother? Cher! Cher's first child, Chaz (nee Chastity) was born to Sonny & Cher 47 years ago. Cher's second child, Elijah Blue, was born to Greg Allman and Cher almost 40 years ago. Chaz was known to the world from regular appearances on all of Cher's '70s variety shows. Elijah, who was given his first guitar as a child by his mom's then-boyfriend Gene Simmons, went on tour with Cher as a guitarist when he was just 13. (How very Madonna/Rocco...except Cher did it first.) Cher has spoken candidly about the difficult relationships she's had with her kids. In a 1996 interview conducted by Chaz for The Advocate, she detailed her own trepidation when Chaz came out of the closet. (On a personal note, that moving interview helped inspire me to finally come out that summer.) Elijah and Cher have walked an even rockier road that has sometimes become semi-public. Both kids have talked about how their struggles (gender identity for Chaz, substance abuse for Elijah) were made more difficult being the child of an icon. The half-brothers were close as kids and while they eventually grew apart, they bear no animosity toward each other. They are 7 years apart, have different dads and essentially grew up on different coasts. Chaz is currently an actor living in LA. Elijah is a music producer, recently married to a German pop star, and also lives in LA. Fun fact: Elijah was romantically linked to Paris Hilton at one point, and he once claimed to have scrubbed his privates with Tilex after having sex with her. How frude! (That's funny/rude. Copyright: today.) 

DAY 59. 

Cher will be 70 in 11 days.

At one point in the middle of her career, Cher just decided to become the lead singer of a punk band. The reason you didn't know that is because they weren't around for very long. In 1980, eager to change her sound, she and her guitarist-boyfriend, Les Dudek, formed Black Rose, and released an album of the same name. Cher chopped off most of her hair, ditched the sequins, and insisted on NOT receiving top billing, because she wanted all the bandmates to be treated equally. This was, of course, impossible because...Cher. Critics were not kind. Cher has said that the critics weren't attacking the record, they were attacking her. She told Rolling Stone, "It was like, 'How dare Cher sing rock and roll.'" Black Rose made some TV appearances, but never secured any tour dates, and broke up in 1981. The truth is that 1980 was probably a tiny bit too late to START a punk band, since the pioneers of the genre had already been at it since 1974 in the UK. That said, she still turns it. Here's Black Rose in action with Never Should've Started. If you have limited time just fast forward to 3:15 to witness Cher doing punk screams. If you happen know what TV show this is from, please let me know. 

DAY 60. 

Cher will be 70 in 10 days.

I think the world has gotten more prudish. Somehow innocent celebrity nip-slips get an exorbitant amount of coverage that I would expect for pix of the Pope throwing a sex party with the cast of Celebrity Rehab. In the '70s, Cher bypassed nip-slips and started shit by just appearing naked on an album cover. Cher and the producers of her 1979 album, Prisoner, wanted to play with the media's obsession with Cher; how they enslaved her. So, she appeared naked save for a handful of strategically placed chains on the cover. Feminist groups went ballistic, saying Cher was presenting herself as a sex slave. A more hilarious controversy is that the record company ran an ad in Billboard, and displayed the album artwork. When printed, the ad was tinted too dark, and the coiled snake in the bottom-left corner resembled a pile of fecal matter. Not kidding. Cher's team demanded that the ad be rerun the following week for free. With the proper tinting. The photos below are the front and back of the album, and other shots from the promo shoot. You can tint the album dark on your own device if you need to see the snake look like shit. 

DAY 61. 


Che will be 70 in 9 days.
Cher gives the best, funniest, bitchiest, most candid interviews. To choose a favorite would be impossible. There's the time she called Letterman an asshole, the time on a British chat show when she said Madonna was "doing the best she can with the talent she was given," the time she told Joan Rivers on The Late Show, "I'm dating The Rams." The interview that she and Tina Turner did with Oprah 8 years ago is also up there. Google the whole thing if you have time. It's amazing. Appropriate for her turning 70, in this snippet Cher gives a very brief synopsis of how she feels about aging. 

DAY 62. 


Cher will be 70 in 8 days.
Cher is as famous for her love life as she is for her other pursuits. Her bed biography is quite impressive and reads like a Who's Who of 70s/80s Hollywood. Let's revisit some of the fun ones. Oh, and just to be clear, this is not an exercise in slut shaming. Quite the opposite. If you were looking for someone to critique a person for loving dick, you are definitely on the wrong page. Cher is flanked by her two husbands, Sonny Bono & Greg Allman, then l-r/t-b: entertainment mogul David Geffen, actor Eric Stoltz (yes, he played her son in Mask), KISS' Gene Simmons, guitarist Les Dudek, Michael Bolton (I know), Ray Liotta (really?), Bon Jovi's Richie Sambora, Rob Camilletti (known as the "bagel boy"), insane person Tom Cruise, actor Val Kilmer, legend Warren Beatty, and former NHL player Ron Duguay.

DAY 63. 


Cher will be 70 in 7 days.
One week from tonight in NYC and one week from Sunday in LA, it's CHERSTRUCK! A celebration of Cher's birthday with all new standup and song parodies, and it's not ALL about Cher (even though, like life, a good chunk of it is). Among the important issues we have to discuss are the time Liza Minnelli screamed at me, the Real Housewife I almost punched in the face and why I think Wonder Woman might be from Queens. Get your tickets today at thecuttingroomnyc.com or thevirgil.com!

DAY 64. 


Cher will be 70 in 6 days.
My favorite Cher duet is the one she did with Meat Loaf. Yes. Meat Loaf. The song, Dead Ringer for Love, from Meat Loaf's 1981 album, Dead Ringer, wasn't well-known in the US but did reach #5 in the UK. Meat performed the song live many times, but never with Cher. There's no existing footage of the two of them ever performing it live together. Just the video. The video/song are a little Grease, a little Road House, and a little ridiculous...but totally fun. Check it out below.

DAY 65. 


Cher will be 70 in 5 days.
Despite the dozens of Cher songs in contention for the title of My Favorite, that prize goes to the Junior Vasquez mix of One by One (both the radio edit and the extended mix). One By One was the first U.S. single from It's A Man's World. In the UK it was the second single from that album, after Walking in Memphis. The song charted at #7 in the UK, and did just ok on the Billboard Hot 100, while being a big hit on the Adult Contemporary and Dance Play charts. The original song is nice and ballad-ish, but it gained real popularity once the mixes were released. The dance mix was such a hit that they re-edited the video, essentially removing most of the original storyline of a man and woman breaking up and reconciling, and just adding more Cher. If you watch closely you can tell the video was a re-edit because the lip sync doesn't always match 100%. I think this is my favorite Cher song due to the time when it was released. I came out during the summer of 1996 and bolted for Fire Island (as one does). The soundtrack to that entire summer for me was One By One and the dance mix of the Fugees' Killing me Softly. Fun summer. Fond memories. Miracle I'm alive. Enjoy the video below.

DAY 66. 

Cher will be 70 in 4 days. We're almost there! Farrah Fawcett and Chynna got no attention on the days they died, because of Michael Jackson and Prince, respectively. Similarly, when Cher turns 70 on Friday, no one is going to care about the other celebrities who were born on that day. Let's celebrate them now so we can get it out of the way. Hope you all have a happy birthday, and don't dare try to pull focus on Friday. Born on May 20th: Rapper Busta Rhymes (44), Queer Eye and Chopped host Ted Allen (51), Scandal's Tony Goldwyn (56), Justified's Timothy Olyphant (48), Good Wife and Gilmore Girls hottie Matt Czuchry (39). As for today's facts about Cher, you should know that her favorite food is chocolate, and her favorite chips are salt n' vinegar and bbq. 

DAY 67.

Cher will be 70 in 3 days.

This fantastic clip is from a 1987 Mothers Day special called "Superstars and Their Moms." The special was inspired by a book written by Cher's mom, Georgia Holt, called "Star Mothers." It includes an impressive roster of celebrities including Carol Burnett and her daughter, and a young Whitney Houston with her mom, Cissy. In this clip, Georgia tags along as Cher revisits Montclair College Preparatory School, the high school from which Cher was suspended and eventually dropped out. She has an absolutely priceless moment with the principal who suspended her. 

DAY 68. 

Cher will be 70 in 2 days.

Cher has a slew of awards and nominations for her work as a serious actress, but her supporting role as a spoofed version of herself in the Farrelly brothers' "Stuck on You" is the funniest she's ever been on the big screen. In the film, Cher wants out of a TV show in which she's supposed to star, so she casts conjoined twins opposite her in the hopes the project will tank.

DAY 69. 

Cher will be 70 in 1 day.

I really don't know what I am going to do with my mornings after tomorrow. The phrase "Follow this, you bitches" was made famous by Cher during her Living Proof: Farewell Tour that started in 2002. During her opening monologue, she spoke about being around for so long, and her tour being compared to more contemporary artists such as JLo and Britney, so she playfully called them bitches. As word got out about this at the beginning of the tour, there was a mild outcry about Cher being mean, jealous, etc. Some people are so sensitive. Ever the wallflower, Cher then incorporated that outcry into the monologue as well, and just kept saying the same shit anyway. It's a perfect set up to Cher's big day. Here's the original, pre-outcry snippet of Cher being cheeky and opening her show.

DAY 70. 


CHER. IS. 70. TODAY!
Today, the greatest entertainer of all time reaches yet another milestone, and the most fierce and psychotic webfotainment series to grace your feed comes to a close. Please enjoy this unhinged birthday serenade as our finale. Hope to see many of you tonight at The Cutting Room and Sunday at The Virgil for Cherstruck. It's going to be a lot of fun. Happy Birthday, Cher! I love you. If more celebrities were like you, pop culture might actually still be fascinating.